THE OFFICIAL COHORT CONSTITUSHONE

1. While all impressions are mandatory at all times, certain ones may become null and void in situations where... 1. the Cohort is in a situation where he could be penalized by a higher authority (teacher, boss, etc.) for doing the impression or 2. someone whose feelings might be hurt by it is around or 3. a church-going person might be offended by it.
2. Disturbyfill is the most detestable of all Cohort enemies. No Cohort may willingly converse or in any way associate themselves with her unless the Cohort has malicious intentions dircted toward Disturbyfill. The only time such association is acceptable is when it is unavoidable. No kind words may ever be spoken by a Cohort about Disturbyfill. Disturbyfill is the epitome of evil.
3. Dale is all-powerful. Inaddition to being unrejectable, he reserves the right to end any impression by uttering the word "Enough!" Hey may force a Cohort to do his bidding by beginning a sentence with "And now is the time on cohort when...". When this happens, all cohorts referred to MUST comply. Unfortunately, his status also allows him the right to slaughter our sacred impressions.
4. Cohorts must never intentionally be politically correct.
5. Paisleys are a Cohort's greatest weakness, haveing the same effect on them as Kryptonite on Superman. Pro-longed exposure to paisleys can effectively reduce a Cohort to such a level of normalty that he cna never recover. No Cohort must ever buy anything with paisleys on it. He may only wear paisleys if... 1. he is wearing a reasonable amount of red (enough to shield him from the harmful paisley radiation -- ex: a red shirt can protect a Cohort from a paisley tie, but not vice-versa). Red underwear will protect a Cohort from any amount of paisley radiation; nothing can protect one from paisley underwear. Cohort underwear is funny that way. Coming to within twenty feet of a solid gold paisley will strip a cohort of his sense of humor forever, even if it is only near for a fraction of a second.
6. Green is the color of evil. Cohorts may never choose the color green over any other color when they have the choice, and green may not be a Cohort's favorite color.
7. Red is the official color of the Cohorts. It offers protection from paisleys, it can reflect a D.S., and it is more powerful than green.
8. In addition to the Color Red, a mirror can reflect a D.S.
9. The Cohort Top 100 list is for the Cohorts' collective top 100 favorite things in the whole world. Cohorts do not necessarily have to orgasm over top 100 things every time they hear tell of them, but these things must never stop an orgasm or make a cohort sick to his stomach. Things on the Bottom 100 list are detestable and should be avoided as much as possible. Cohorts must never like or be in favor of these things. If a cohort is in a situation where he must choose between something on the Top 100 list and something that is not, the Top 100 item always comes first. (Ex: A Cohort can either go watch "The Three Stooges Meet Hercules" with his fellow Cohorts, or go watch a "tractor-cade" with a slut. The Three Stooges are on the Top 100 list, so the Cohort must choose the movie.)
10. In all prefessional sports, a Cohort's favorite team must be one of the Texas-based teams in that sport. The Cohort need not like all Texas teams, but he must pick one from each sport to be his favorite. If the Cohort does not like the sport at all, he is not required to like any of the teams, but if he roots for any team at all, he is required to have a Texas-based favorite. He may never root for another team against his designated favorite.
11. If a Cohort gives his word to another Cohort, he must always honor it. (Ex: A Cohort shows up for a tournament session 10 minutes later than he said he would, and his only excuse is "I decided to jump in the shower first." This would be un-Cohort-like.) A Cohort may legally go back on his word if 1. he gives the rest of the Cohorts enough advanced notice so as not to inconvenience them or 2. he is forced to change plans by unavoidable extenuating circumstances. The Cohorts affected by the change will be the judges of the validity of the excuse.
12. All Cohorts are Christians -- they worship the Lord their God and Jesus the Son, our Christ. Though Cohorts will never condemn or judge others for their choice in worship (except Disturbyfill, Slinkies, and HB), there are no other religions allowed in Cohortdom. No golden calves.
13. Six is the maximum number of Cohorts allowed. Honorary status may be awarded to those who are deemed worthy, however, all Cohorts must agree on it. To be awarded this high honor, the person must have made a passing grade on the Cohort Exam. The Exam may be taken as many times as deemed necessary by the Cohorts.
14. Females may not become Cohorts. It just wouldn't work. However, girlfriends and wives of Cohorts automatically become "Co-whores."